I starve myself because I feel like I don’t deserve food. I push my body until I’m too tired to think because I hope exhaustion will drown out my thoughts. I cut my hair as a way to feel control over my life. I stay busy with pointless tasks so I don’t have to think about how much I want to disappear. I avoid mirrors because I don’t recognize myself anymore. I fill my time with mindless activities to distract myself from the pain inside. I make choices that keep me alive but never bring me satisfaction. I feel that every day is a struggle and I wonder how long I can keep going. I tell myself that getting out of bed is an achievement even when it feels impossible. I scroll endlessly on my phone to fill the silence because I don’t want to confront my feelings. I listen to music that matches my mood even when it hurts. I take long walks just to escape my thoughts even if only for a little while. I spend time in crowded places but still feel completely alone. I reach out to friends but can’t bring myself to share what’s really going on. I laugh at their jokes but inside I feel empty. I wear clothes that hide my body because I don’t want anyone to see how I feel. I keep my head down when I walk to avoid eye contact. I pretend everything is fine when it’s not. I tell myself that tomorrow will be better even when I know it won’t. I hold on to a little piece of happiness even if they don’t last. I think about the future but it scares me. I wonder if anyone would miss me if I just disappeared. I wish I could scream but I keep everything bottled up inside. I remind myself to breathe but sometimes it feels pointless. I go through the flow because that’s what people expect from me. I dream of escape but I don’t know where to go. I hope for change but I feel stuck in this trap. I wish I could let someone in but I’m too afraid of being judged. I keep my pain hidden because I don’t want to burden anyone. I try to stay strong but some days it feels impossible. I look for signs that things will get better even when I don’t believe they will. I tell myself to keep fighting but I’m tired of fighting. I search for a way out but all I find is more darkness. I wonder if this is all there is and if I’ll ever feel free. I long for peace but it always seems just out of reach. I wonder if I’ll ever find my way back to myself again.